Life Struggles, Parenthood, and the Misuse of Social Judgments

Life Struggles, Parenthood, and the Misuse of Social Judgments

Parenthood is often seen as the ultimate blessing, but for many families, it comes with unimaginable struggles. I recently came across a post from a woman in Pakistan who shared her heartbreaking story: her parents forced her into a cousin marriage, and since then she has suffered seven to eight miscarriages. One baby girl was born but passed away within days. Doctors warned her that future pregnancies carried the same genetic risks, and she had to terminate another pregnancy.  

Instead of compassion, society labeled her “unlucky.” People advised her husband to remarry. She became so fearful that she avoids holding other people’s children, constantly blaming herself for circumstances beyond her control.  

Stories of Mothers Around the World

While watching parenting videos online, I noticed how mothers abroad share their daily lives with resilience:  

- One mother gave birth to quadruplets along with an older daughter. Her daily routine is exhausting, yet she manages with positivity.  

- Another mother chose to give birth to a child despite doctors warning of severe health issues. The baby cannot see or hear, has a weak heart, and is fed through a stomach tube. Yet the parents shower him with love, and his laughter proves that affection heals.  

- A blind child’s mother uses tactile toys and stickers on doors to help him navigate independently.  

- A working mother in a village cycles her three children to daycare daily, even in snowstorms.  

- A couple’s child was born without arms and legs. Despite challenges, they are arranging prosthetics and nurturing him with care.  

These stories highlight that life is never easy for anyone. Infertility is painful, but raising a disabled child is equally challenging. Yet many parents abroad embrace these struggles as destiny, finding joy instead of blaming others.  

Why the Difference?

- They solve their problems themselves instead of interfering in others’ lives.  

- They search for happiness rather than reasons to be miserable.  

- They treat marriage and divorce seriously. If a relationship works, they stay happy even without children. If it doesn’t, they part ways respectfully, ensuring children’s care.  

- Step-parents abroad often love their partner’s children instead of resenting them.  

In contrast, in our society, divorce and second marriage are stigmatized. The very solutions Allah has allowed for ease are misused. Some men remarry despite having healthy families, while others divorce wives instantly if they are infertile.  

Lessons We Must Learn

- Happiness is possible even with struggles. Infertility or disability does not mean life ends.  

- Silence is better than hurtful words. Our religion considers hurting someone with words a major sin, yet we freely judge others.  

- Comparison is unfair. Some couples with abnormal children live happily, while others with healthy children fight constantly.  

- Divorce can be a solution. One couple lives peacefully despite challenges, while another stays miserable only due to social pressure.  

The Qur’an reminds us that children are a test, not the ultimate source of happiness. Both parents with children and those without can find joy—or misery—depending on perspective.  

Stop Adding to Others’ Pain

If you truly had solutions to life’s problems, your own life would be free of struggles. So why remind someone of their age, infertility, or failed marriage? Why advise a husband to remarry for children? Sometimes the “deficiency” you point out wasn’t even felt by the person until you mentioned it.  

Final Thought

Parenthood is not the only measure of happiness. Life is about perspective, compassion, and respecting others’ choices. Instead of judging, let’s learn to support, stay silent when needed, and allow people to live their lives with dignity.